Moving Forward...

Soldier :D

I haven’t blogged in awhile. So i deactivated my facebook hoping that, that will make life easier for me lol. I have wrapped my life around it and i had enough yesterday. I saw something and it completely DISGUSTED me, i seriously feel like i have lost respect for some people because of fb. Anyways, My friend Roger is in the States for good after serving our country!!! Just a couple weeks ago i was running at the gym,watching the news & I saw a helicopter being shot at then i saw Roger giving directions on land and i almost fainted..no joke. Fox was out with them on their final mission..AH how scary! My point to all this is that i have never met him, we have been fb friends because he is my guy bestfriends, bestfriend haha, if that even makes sense. So we have been communicating through fb for the last 8 or 9 months now and for some reason I am WAY to excited to meet him. Is that weird ? Roger is the perfect example of a MAN, like i said we haven’t met and he has sent me flowers twice while serving our country oh and a birthday gift. The gifts and all that have nothing to do with my I’m attracted to him but what impresses me is the time he took and the way he talks to me is just to die for. He is not the type of guy i usually go for but i think it’s time for me to grow up and let the gentlemen treat me the way I deserve to be treated and let go of the boys who don’t appreciate or value me. I can’t wait to see what God has planned. 

WE are the poor..

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Jeremiah 29:11

I have always been a young lady of faith, i have stumbled and what not..who hasn’t though? I do love God and am well aware of what my gift is. I believe that i have been gifted with the ability to LOVE, GIVE & HELP. I love showing the ones i love my love and appreciation for them and i love giving them as much as i can as well as serving them in any way. I know materialism isn’t everything and I am aware that many times it isn’t a good thing but for some reason i want to give those i love EVERYTHING. I don’t come from a wealthy family, but i am thankful to say that i have had everything. My parents have worked so hard for everything that we have as a family and trust me it’s been a struggle but we have NEVER gone hungry or have been left without a home, i guess i can say i have lived an average life so far. Even though i have never been a victim of poverty i have been helping the poor for almost 11 years now. I thank God for giving me the opportunity to know a hungry face. Not only has it taught me more than to just appreciate but it has given me the chance to see him through another individual. The one thing i cherish the most about this experience is the “look” of a hungry face. 

The moment you walk on to a dumpster, an orphanage or a nursing home across the border or just anywhere you notice the look in those individuals eyes. The way they look at american citizen or just any volunteer is to die for, the way they run to hug you all at once is incredible and thats because they don’t even know you, imagine if they did and the way they thank you is unbelievable. I have stared into many of their eyes and it’s different from staring into ones that have everything. Yes they might be poor but in reality they are the ones that have EVERYTHING. Their humbleness and love for others is something i am hungry for and over all i think that makes ME poor one. 

As a young adult i have made many mistakes, i know that i have been a hypocrite at times and what not but lately i have been thinking and to be honest i don’t think i am a horrible person for not living a perfect christian life. There are many things i want to change in me, of course, but i know that as of now God has moved me a lot and has showed me that he has plans for me, therefore i want to challenge you to not strive to live a perfect christian life but most importantly to find God in others, serve and LOVE others.  Don’t go to church if you don’t want to, but find God elsewhere. Pick up your bible, lock yourself up in your room and talk to him not just about serious things, be silly with him… BUILD a relationship with him on your own and i promise you, you will feel alive. 

LIVE LIFE but in ways that will make you feel whole for long periods of time not just temporarily. <3

Letting go.

“There are times when the simple dignity of movement

can fulfill the function of a volume of words.”

- Doris Humphrey   

I have realized i have a problem venting, i have officially accepted it today. I don’t trust people easily, i have a selected few but even then i can’t just tell you what i’m feeling, point is i wasn’t fully aware about this until this first year of college. While in high school dance was my life, i was in drill team and also in a Modern company outside of school. Everything i did in my everyday life affected my dancing in one way or another, it was my passion and i protected it as if it were a loved one. Dance has a lot of the same characteristics God does and besides him it was something i could trust and turn to at anytime of day and for any situation. I never worried, i was never afraid, it made me stronger, happy, it showed me how to love and introduced me to passion. My schedule was busy, i danced for about 3 hours, sometimes more, three times a day, everyday. The cherished every piece, every movement told a story, not just any story but my interpretation of what i was feeling. Movement was my way of venting and my instructors criticism was the reply. As graduation approached i decided to leave the company months in advance, i was attached, and due to an injury i had decided not to continue dancing, instead i wanted to let go and close that chapter. The next few months were not only sickening but a transformation in process. I had accepted the fact that, that was it for me and dance but i had no idea how much that decision would affect me later on. My first semester of college ended and i was fine, not until my second semester did i start noticing my attitude and view on things, they were both off. I experienced a mix of emotions. I felt bipolar, i was angry, mean, happy, loving, hyper, then angry again all in  matter of minutes. I thought that it all had to do with stress, i always had some sort of excuse for it, i never tried fixing the problem i just sat it aside time after time after time. A couple days a go i was talking to certain people throughout the day and the majority told me to just vent, they said it was ok to just talk about things, my reply to a couple of them was simple, i said “i just want to dance”, a couple hours went by and all i thought about was that when i was still dancing i never kept these emotions in and never had to vent to others. I pondered over that for a day and i have accepted it, because of my decision to not continue dancing i am going to have to learn how to vent by doing other things in order to move on, letting others in is going to be where i begin.  

Cheers!

Lets get this started. I really don’t know where to start because my thoughts are everywhere right now. I do know I want to make a toast because I have started this blog in which I believe WILL make me a better person, so, CHEERS! 

Because I have posted my first blog i will now get started on one with actual meaning. ha. Leggooo!